It was one of those mornings when my beloved spouse was reprimanding me for not eating the fresh picked tomatoes that she had put in the frig a few days prior. I told her I did not see them there and she responded that she had even put them on the shelf I always go to for beverages. I replied, “I guess I see only what I am looking for”. As the words came out of my mouth, I realized the meaning of what I had said on a much more global and deeper level. How often is it that in life we see only what we are looking for?
I thought this was worth exploring. First, I wanted to get to the science of sight itself to understand the part our brain might play in my “limitation”. Our eyes capture so much data that our brain has the capacity to process only 10% of the data that is sent to the brain, and an incredible 30% of the cortex of the brain is used to process this fraction of what we see. To interpret the data sent from the rod and cone cells in the eyes, it is processed in multiple areas of the brain. The brain then uses our perception of the data to construct meaning of the images we are processing by combining previously stored information about the world and our knowledge of it. Since only 10% of what our eyes “see” is processed, the other 90% is left up to the brain to fill in with what “should” be out there. How does the brain decide which 10% of data gets processed? No one is really sure, but a theory is that it uses the 10% that is most recognized so that filing in the other 90% is easier. So, depending on your past visual experiences in life, you will see the current images coming to your brain from that perspective. Thus, literally, you only “see” what you are looking for!
The next logical step from here is to ask, where else in our lives does this phenomenon cross over into? I contemplated this for a bit and came up with a few examples.
How often are we blind to what is around us because we are so focused on what we are looking for? A friend of mine relayed a story to me about his experience in a restaurant when he asked for some honey. The restaurant was a chain my friend has visited many times in his home town, and while he was traveling, he decided to visit the same chain in another state. After taking giving the waiter his order, he asked for some honey. A considerable amount of time had passed and his order was about to come. As the waiter passed by, he got his attention and said sternly to the waiter, “I asked for some honey quite some time ago”. The waiter pointed to the honey bottle on the table and replied, “Sir, the honey is right there in front of you”. Embarrassed, my friend apologized and looked at the honey container. In his home town, the honey came in a catsup shaped bottle, here it was in an obvious honey jar with a lid. He was so focused on the catsup bottle shape that he did not recognize a honey jar right in front of his face.
How often is our perspective distorted because we are looking for what fits our point of view? If our brain constructs 90% of what we see from our past experiences, does our brain do that with other aspects of our senses? When we meet someone who has a voice that sounds like our crazy Aunt Lucy who would wash her car in the rain, do we wonder if this person washes their car in the rain too? Or, because we have had the experience of being discriminated against, do we automatically believe anyone who also says they were also discriminated against because we identify with their experience? Every concept has two sides and each person’s truth lies somewhere between the extremes. It is this dichotomy that gives us a basis to define our world – light/dark, hot/cold, fast/slow, Yin/Yang. The side we see is based on our point of view and it becomes our truth, thus making any other point of view the “un-truth”. So when our point of view is limiting us from seeing any other perspective, what are we keeping ourselves from seeing?
How often do we make incorrect judgements because we can’t see the other side? I had the opportunity to meet a most wise man in the most interesting of places many years ago. I was at a festival celebrating humanity and I came across a man wearing a business suit sitting in a chair holding a sign that read “Free Advice”. I went over to him and said, “Sure, I’ll take some free advice.” After introducing himself, cautioning me that you “get what you pay for” followed by some small talk, he asked me if I thought I was a judgmental person. I told him most certainly I was not, to which he responded most sternly, “You are a liar, and that is not a judgment, that is a fact”. I was flabbergasted. This stranger knows nothing about me yet here he is calling me liar! He went on to say, “Our brains are judging machines. That is their job, to make judgements to keep us safe and happy. And everything we observe and experience is filtered into one of two columns – good or bad. You judge everything. I bet you are judging me right now. And since you just told me you were not judgmental, I know you are a liar.” I thought about what he was saying and saw the truth in it. Even with the most simple of events in our lives, we are constantly judging:
- Did you have a good time at the party? No I had a bad time.
- Is the food at that restaurant good?
- Would you like to go to the movies? (Would a movie make you feel good or bad?)
- Can you believe Rick did that? (Is Rick good or bad?)
- Is green your favorite color? (Does green bring you pleasure?)
This man was right in his wisdom. So, how often do we make incorrect judgements because we can’t see the other side? Because someone else’s point of view is not what we are looking for?
How often do we miss opportunity because we are so focused on a specific goal? Let’s say you have a goal to own a house in a specific neighborhood that will cost $300,000. In order to buy that house, you need to save an additional $10,000 for the down payment. So for the next year, you worked two jobs and even put in some overtime. At the beginning of that year, you met someone who shared your enthusiasm for golfing and had asked you to go golfing with them. However, because all your time was being taken up with work to meet your goal, you had no time for golf. A short time after extending the golf invitation, the person sold their house in the neighborhood you want to live in because they could not afford the payment after their divorce. They sold the house for a distressed price low enough that you could have purchased the property with the amount of money you had already saved. The Universe had put an immediate solution right in front of you and you did not see it because you were not looking for it. But how could you have known that golf game could have resulted in you realizing your goal without working to death for a year? You can’t, especially when you only see what you are looking for.
While we can never know what we don’t see, we can make it a point to be aware that we are not seeing things. And when we don’t see things, it can affect our interpretation of what is right in front of us, our perspective, our judgement, and opportunities that are staring us in the face. So take a moment to look at things twice and consider the possibilities of seeing it differently.